A rant, don't know where to start. Want to avoid adderall but need some help.

I've been doing a bit of research on nootropics to help my brain clarity, focus, mental stamina, and maybe a little something to help with motivation. I have pretty bad inattentive ADD. I don't follow a strict Bulletproof Diet as I literally can't afford to and don't have the time. I do try to eat clean, low carb, no processed foods, good fats, IF, etc.

In high school when I was diagnosed with ADD, I was prescribed dozens of different antidepressants and ADD medications. Nothing worked like Ritalin. My grades shot from F's and D's to A's and B's. I felt amazing. I wasn't on it for long, maybe a couple months. A few years later I decided to pursue a different career and saw my primary to get a script for Adderall. It also really helped and I enjoyed the motivation and the zoom I got from it. I also stopped taking it after a few weeks due to how I felt coming down and my inability to eat.

So here I am, a few years later and changing careers. I've recently started in a nursing program and it is extremely intense. After doing poorly on my first couple of exams, I decided somethings got to give. I sit for 6-8 hours "studying" and feeling like I haven't retained any information. Like what I'm reading isn't registering at all. I got my hands on some Adderall and scheduled an appointment with a Psych to get a new RX for Adderall, determined for any edge I can get. I took a half and then a whole a couple days later and didn't notice much at all except more tense, crying in the evening, and feeling like garbage at the end of the night. I've since cancelled my appointment as I really don't want to be on Adderall due to the emotional ups and downs and the negative long-term health problems it can potentially cause.

I've read a lot of suggestions about Modafinil. I take it. My bf has been taking it for years. I take a half (75 Armodafinil) or (100 mg Modafinil) and it doesn't do anything for me except make me feel like I couldn't fall asleep if I laid down. No extra energy, no extra focus, no mental clarity, nothing. I've tried a whole pill and it was too much. Still no good, just exagerrated bad. I also get these intense tension headaches right between my eyebrows every single day since taking it. I'm going to buy some Choline later to see if it helps. I'm also still probably emotional and foggy from taking Addy for a week straight then stopping cold turkey, I'm sure there is something going on with my dopamine receptors.

I was considering a stack of Noopept, Choline, Theanine, and continuing with the Modafinil. But the more I research the more I talk myself out of it. I've seen a lot of negative reports with Noopept and the like but there is also so much information about it that I get overwhelmed as to where to start. I'm very sensitive to any supplement. It's either a huge benefit or a huge disadvantage pretty much immediately. I noticed great mood/anxiety improvements with L-Tyrosine and 5-HTP but it doesn't do much for me cognitively.

Any advice?

I apologize for the rant, just wanted to disclose the whole story. I also apologize if I'm way off and sound like an idiot, this is all pretty new to me!

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