Help With Compassion?

This post just might get banned but it's totally legit. Normally I'm a very compassionate person, but in this case my sense of fairness trumps my compassion.


My boss just gave a co-worker 30 days off for a reason where he would NEVER let me take off more than a couple of days. No really, there is no HR reason for letting this person take 30 days off. In speaking with other people, this seems to be a common practice amongst companies - that it's accepted that people from India get 30 days off at a time when they need to go home for something.


I'm in the middle of a huge project with deadlines looming. Of course, all the work of the co-worker got dumped on me. 


Am I totally out of line here? I'd love your thoughts as I'd like to get to a place where I can accept this apparent discrimination. It's just not happening with my own world view... Help?


  • Let's use the biting dog in the yard analogy... You know there is a dog in the yard, you know it bites, so when you choose to open that gate and walk into that yard and then you get bit, does it make sense to be angry at the dog?


    You know that your workplace regularly does this unfair thing, yet you choose to remain at that workplace.... So, when the unfair thing happens and effects you... does it make sense to blame others? You did choose to be there, knowing this might occur. 


    What do you think? Sorry if that sounds harsh to you, but it's one way to look at it which would bring me more peace of mind. 

  • PS

    You didn't ask for plain old advice, but I'm tempted to give it... I'd schedule a meeting with a manager or HR to make sure the extra hours and responsibilities you are handling now are formally recognized, and so you can have an opportunity to ask what you should expect? Should you be prepared for this kind of extra workload to be required of you in the future when other colleagues are given extended leave? If so, that should be included in your job description, and be something you are compensated for with increased salary, or with increased vacation days, overtime hours, or something similar. Best if you can bring this topic up in calm positive tones, like you expect to be treated fairly. 

  • ACH85ACH85 ✭✭

    Compassion? Help accepting this discrimination? Hell no. 


    You should renegotiate your new workload and potentially your pay and a better time off policy. But leave emotions out of it if you can. The trick is to calmly talk your boss or HR into a corner where they either have to verbalize that there is discrimination (which they can't do if they like not being sued,) verbalize that they're asking you to work extra hours (which they can't do if they don't want to pay you more) or give you what you want. 


    Your lucky coworker has proven that your company sometimes agrees to seemingly unreasonable demands, so you should start making some of your own to build the work environment you'd like. 


    Now, you don't have all the information... maybe your coworker is not getting paid during this time, has an illness that he's not telling anyone in the office about except the boss, etc. So there's no point being angry at that coworker. But now that you know what's possible, start negotiating a better work experience for yourself. Or looking for a different job. 



    For what it's worth, I've never heard that it's common practice to let Indians take extra time to go home.

  • Thank you both for sharing your thoughts. It helped. I'm still working through it. Hopefully I can handle this week without making any snarky comments...

  • RekaReka ✭✭✭

    Interesting thread, I often find myself in a similar situation. What sucks is that you may come off as someone minding others business. Once I got into a hard situation and I knew that many others had been in that place and they had found a solution with HR, so I asked whether we could do the way they solved it. My bosses answer was that I shouldn't try to get others into trouble. Hypocrisy everywhere.

    It doesn't get easier... It's you who gets better.


    Is your social worker in that horse?


    Success has a price, not a secret.

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